A GRIEVING mother has opened up about a cryptic “help me” note her teenage daughter wrote before she killed herself and reveals she still speaks to her everyday.
Helen Cousin’s 16-year-old daughter Maisie had been struggling with depression and scribbled a note which read “I’m fine” one way and “help me” when turned upside down.
Maisie’s older sister Amy, 27, found the note sitting on her chest of drawers just hours after the teenager’s body was found in a woodland near her home in Misterton, Nottinghamshire in June 2017.
Helen, 48, was identifying her daughter’s body at the mortuary with Maisie’s father Mick when Amy found the heartbreaking message.
The mum said: “I never thought she would do this. We were very close and she was always by my side. I really thought she could talk to me about anything.
“I had no idea she was hiding these feelings and I hope that I can just help other teenagers now to speak to someone before it is too late.”
In the two years since Maisie’s death, Helen has set up a suicide awareness charity called Help Me, I’m Fine and has raised over £30,000 in the teen’s name.
However, Helen says she still speaks to her daughter everyday to make her feel as if she’s still here.
She said: “I talk to her all the time, mostly in our car. Maisie was such a home bird, she would come with me in the car wherever I went, so we spent a lot of time chatting in there.
“I speak to her every day without a doubt, even if it’s just before bed, I’ll say ‘night Maisie,’ and it makes me feel like she’s with me.
“I’d hate for her to feel forgotten or not included – that’s why I do it.”
Explaining the lasting impact losing Maisie has had on the family, Helen added: “The loss doesn’t get any easier but you learn to cope.
“It’s hard being the survivor, sometimes you don’t want to carry on. Even going on holiday can be painful – I don’t want her to feel left behind. But you just have to keep on going and help as many people as possible along the way.
“Encourage other people to be more open and to talk about their problems. I know Maisie is there somewhere, saying: ‘Go on Mum, keep going.'”
The teen tragically died shortly after finishing her GCSE exams and was deciding whether to go to college, study for A-Levels at Sixth Form or complete a childcare course.
I speak to her every day without a doubt, even if it’s just before bed, I’ll say ‘night Maisie,’ and it makes me feel like she’s with me…
Helen Cousins
A high achiever at school, Maisie was predicted all A*s, As and Bs in her exams.
In the days leading up to her death, Helen, Maise and her younger brother Oliver, 14, had been planning a family holiday to Crete.
The mum recalled: “We had such a lovely day on the Saturday before she died. The sun was shining and we went to the optician to get Maisie her first pair of prescription sunglasses. She was really excited about going away.
“We were making plans for the summer. I remember walking through town behind Maisie and Oliver and just thinking how lucky I was.”
On the day she died, Maisie spent the morning with her older sister Amy and her two children, Joel and Scarlett.
Helen said: “She loved her nieces and nephews and they couldn’t wait to spend time with her. Her older brother Luke, 26, also has a little girl called Esme, one.
“Maisie spent most of her free time with them and wanted to work with kids when she was older. It breaks my heart that there are three little people who won’t have auntie Maisie anymore.”
The teen told her older sister that she heading to the shops to buy cookies but instead went home to take the family dog Diesel out for a walk.
Helen briefly saw Maisie heading home from her walk in the fields around the primary school where she works at 3pm in the afternoon.
When she returned home at 5:30pm, the mum realised that Maisie wasn’t there but assumed she would still be with her sister.
“She was a 16-year-old so she was used to doing her own thing,” Helen, who is no longer with Maisie’s dad, Mick, 53, continued. “I just thought she was spending time with her niece and nephew, or maybe she was at her dad’s.”
Helen then took Oliver to a youth club but received a message from Maisie’s best friend asking if she’d spoken to her at 6:30pm.
Starting to panic over her daughter’s whereabouts, Helen called Amy and Mick to find that neither of them had seen her.
The mum then reported Maisie’s disappearance to the police and within an hour of posting about it on Facebook, the local community formed a search party to scour fields and streets searching for the teen.
“I had all sorts of things running through my head. It was really hot that day and I thought maybe she had passed out somewhere,” Helen said. “I never imagined she would do anything to hurt herself.”
Tragically at around 5am the next morning, Amy’s partner Liam Hunter, 26, was on the phone to Helen when he found Maisie’s body in a lane just a few minutes from their home.
Helen said: “I just screamed and screamed. I couldn’t believe this had happened to us.
“I had no idea that Maisie was feeling so bad that she felt she had to do this. I don’t know why and I don’t think I ever will.”
The Sun's You're Not Alone Campaign
- Last year, The Sun launched our You’re Not Alone campaign to help revent deaths from suicide
- Every 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost – to suicide
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- The Sun’s You’re Not Alone campaign wants to remind anyone facing a tough time, grappling with mental illness or feeling like there’s nowhere left to turn, that there is hope
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- Let’s all vow to ask for help when we need it, and listen out for others. You’re Not Alone
Later that day, Helen and Mick travelled to Nottingham to identify their daughter’s body when Amy found the cryptic note with two opposing messages in Maisie’s bedroom.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about the note,” Helen said. “There are kids out there, like Maisie, who don’t talk about their problems or seem to be upset. This summed it up for me.
“I woke up in the middle of the night and realised I wanted to use her doodle to do something positive.
“I looked at a few companies then and emailed the Lapel Pin Company about creating some badges, carrying the same message, and in the morning I woke up to a response them.”
As the family prepared for Maisie’s funeral the next week, Helen shared the 750 Help Me, I’m Fine badges with friends and family – within days, they had been distributed around the community.
As a result, Helen decided to set up a JustGiving page in Maisie’s memory and used the cryptic note as the logo for her campaign.
The family are also raising money through JustGiving to create a sensory garden at the primary school where Helen works – and where the mum last saw her daughter walking through the fields.
In addition, Helen is fundraising for the suicide prevention charity Papyrus and hopes to train teachers and school staff across the country in how to deal with depression and suicidal thoughts.
The mum has also written a book called ‘The Knot’ which helps children make sense of mental health and why they might have an uneasy feeling in the stomachs.
Despite still struggling to come to terms with her grief, Helen is determined to speak out to help other children.
“Maisie was a fantastic daughter. She was doing well at school. She didn’t have loads of friends, but I think she wanted it that way and she had a few very close friends.
“I know they had fallings out and there were stresses and worries but I thought those were just normal teenage things.
“She didn’t leave any letters or anything explaining why. I have so many unanswered questions but now I just want to raise money and awareness so maybe I can stop another family having to go through this.”
For more information about Helen’s fundraising, visit the Help Me, I’m Fine Facebook page.
Call Samaritans free any time from any phone on 116 123 (this number is free to call and will not appear on your phone bill), email jo@samaritans.org or visit https://www.samaritans.org.
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